So obviously it has been a while since i posted. The last couple of posts have been obligatory at best. I feel bad when people ask me to blog because they miss it and want to know what we are up to. However, the last 6 months, i have been unable to tell people what we have been up to. So i have decided to catch up and fill you in as much as I can.
Six months ago we were contacted by our adoption agency, most of you know that. There was this unbelievable opportunity to adopt two children. We immediately decided we wanted to pursue this and started the hoop jumping. We did our background checks, and home study, and filled out lots of paperwork. Then we met the children. We fell in love. Some of you met them. Instantly, we were their parents. Our girls were their sisters. We were a family of six. Everything was good. And then it wasn't. Instead of placing the kids in our home, we had visits. Short visits, weekend vists, supervised visits, unsupervised visits. They went to church with us, shopped with us, swam with us, played with us, we did everything. We were a family. It was a little stressful. Our house is a little small for 4 kids. Our cars only hold 5. We shopped for a bigger SUV. We combined rooms and cleared out all kinds of "unneccesary" items. We bought beds and mattresses, comforters sets and curtains. For the first time in our lives, we bought boy things. An amazing blue quilt with dinosaurs, superman jammies complete with cape. Jay went crazy shopping for what will always be his first son. I did too. But then the visits grew further apart. We were so used to having them in our lives but my mothers intution kicked in. Something was wrong. We fought. Not hard, but diligently. Little victories here and there, every possible option explored. But it was not to be. The kids birth mom decided not to relinquish her rights. The state decided not to terminate. Despite, what seems to be poor, poor judgement, the two kids are going home to be with their biological mother. Our hearts are sad. We are left standing confused. Arms empty. Once again, i have no choice but to count on my Faith. Not a day will go by i don't think of these beautiful children. I will pray for them. For their mother. I will pray that they will grow up having atleast a glimpse of what it is like to be in a family where love and faith prevails.
Thank you all for your love and support and for your prayers. There are good things ahead for this family and I pledge to start blogging about it once again!
2 comments:
I love you for giving us a glimpse into your heart, as painful as it has to be. Iknew "it didn't work out" but I didn't know they went back to the birthmom, and I didn't realize how fully you had already incorporated these children into your family. They will be blessed forever by every moment they spent with your family and they were old enough to know what's going on, so there is a good chance that when they are of age to make their own choices, they will come back to you of their own volition.
Have you ever read Beth Moore's account of her son? As the mother of 2 daughters she was thrilled to foster/almost adopt a relative (little boy) for several years, then inexplicably through a series of events he was taken away and sent to be raised by his birthmom after Beth and her family had loved on him and prayed over him adn worked through so many of his struggles for several years. I think you could relate to her story. It is told in her book Feathers From My Nest. Love you, Lacy family!
Jennifer, my heart breaks for you. I don't feel I ever knew you very well when we worked together, but communicating through your blog and facebook, I feel like we've become friends. You and Jay are wonderful parents, and I'm sure God has great things in mind for you. Bless you my friend!
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