God's Grace

I think it was my sister who said it is really easy to blog when things are good but when they are bad, it really isn't. I don't want to say things have been bad, they just haven't been easy. I think the economy is finally hurting Jay's job which has made things difficult, at best. I have spent the last 9 months working like crazy. Luckily, i love my job but it has taken me away from my family a little more than i anticipated. Me being gone, financial struggles all in the midst of my transition from stay at home mom to full-fledge work-a-holic has made for a rough ride. See, not something i want to blog about and most likely, something you don't want to read about. But today, I was reminded of something, my Faith. Jay and i have been teaching Sunday School for sometime now but in the last several months have stopped attending regular service. Today, I wanted to go and I am so glad I did. Our preacher, who i swear can make me feel like the only one in our 1000+ congregation. He said, the Grace of God is bigger than our doubt. He said it several times, probably because I didn't get the first 2 or 3. He started talking about challenges we all face in our life, the prayers we pray and how God answers those prayers. It took me back to East Heights United Methodist in Wichita, KS. I remember sitting in our home church during the Lenten season, Ironlc since we are now in the season of Advent, and being mad, really mad and angry at God. I had so much pain, and hurt. All i wanted was a child, more than anything. I had suffered so much loss and didn't understand why, why would God do this to me, what had I done. I tried to be Faithful, I kept praying but much as our pastor said, I prayed not just for my needs but how i wanted them. I prayed for a child, to get pregnant, to stay pregnant, to deliver a beautiful healthy baby. As each month passed, my doubt began to grow, as did God's grace. Today, unlike any other Sunday, Kate didn't want to go to Sunday School - she normally loves it. Today, she wanted to go to Big Church with me and dad. As our pastor's sermon contined, I looked down in my arms, somehow, not really even realizing, Kate had crawled on to my lap and fallen asleep. I was rocking her as i have done since her birth over 4 years ago. I couldn't help but smile and pray. Pray to my God who even when i have doubt in Him, He remains Faithful in me. The Grace of God is bigger than our doubt. Yes, it has been a struggle the last several months but God's Grace and my Faith will pull me through. again.