On Monday night Jay and I went to go sleep in our hotel room to hopefully get a better nights rest. We also wanted to give the birth family plenty of time to say good bye. We knew we would be leaving tomorrow. The plan was that we would all get discharged together and go our seperate ways. They had confided in us over our many hours together that they were indeed leaving the state. The wanted to get out of the hospital as soon as possible. At that point we began to discuss them going to court. In Oklahoma, you have 2 weeks after the birth to go to court and relinquish parental rights. With their history, I was starting to get worried that they might leave without relinquishing. Not because they had changed their mind but because they really wanted to leave! Jay and I explained that we wouldn't be allowed to leave the state until they had gone to court and we were also anxious to get home. I think this helped put things into perspective.
So Tuesday morning, bright and early, Jay and I went to the hospital. Neither one of us had gotten more than an hour of sleep. It was so hard to leave Kate in the hospital even though we knew she was in good hands, it was difficult. It made me sad for all of these women who get discharged from hospitals and have to leave their premature or sick babies in the hospital. They must be some pretty strong women because in those short hours, my heart was aching.
We found the birth family in their room holding Kate. The birth mom looked like she had been crying. It was harder than she thought, she had said. Of course, that made me cry too. I took Kate from her at her request and began to get her fed, changed and dressed. She had been spitting up so much since birth. Way more than normal baby spit up. I was concerned but it was hard to be concerned in front of the birth family. I didn't want them to think I didn't know what I was doing which felt very much like the case! Everyone talks about maternal instincts kicking in - I learned very quickly the difference between having "maternal instincts" and knowing everything you would need to possibly know. Which I don't know why but I kinda felt like I should immediately acquire this vast & profound knowledge of child-rearing - that was what maternal instincts meant to me. Turns out, for me atleast, it is more of an overwhelming need to protect and care for this child....even if that means asking questions of a professional. Sorry, I think I got sidetracked.
About half an hour after we got there, the BM's brother-in-law comes busting through the door with their 2 children. He just kinda screams - I gotta go to work and runs out. Very uncool. The kids were filthy with barely any clothes on. I felt so bad for this family. I started to understand the place they were in. I can't imagine any of my children's aunts or uncles treating our children like that. I can't imagine not being able to lean on family - even for a few hours to watch my children. Here was this family, in the hospital, placing their last child for adoption and this man, with no concern or thought at all, drops off 2 (under the age of 3) children, not fed, not clothed in a small, small hospital room and just leaves. This is the same family member who had kicked them out of their home during the final weeks of her pregnancy forcing them to live in a local homeless shelter. The birth family apoligized profusely for this man's behavior and for the childrens presence. I all of a sudden was embarrassed by the amount of clothes I had packed for Miss Kate that were now strewn all over as we were picking out her hospital picture outfit. The emotions reached a new unimaginable high. I didn't know my heart could hurt so bad for a family I didn't know a month ago. It is one thing to watch a movie or read a book and see the gross misfortunte of other human beings but to see it before my eyes was something this priviledged 35 year old had never experienced. In that moment, I knew, for so many reasons I could never forget this family. The sacrifices they have made, the love they share. I made a solemn vow to pray for them everyday. To pray that they could make a better life for themself, that they would not only find a home, and a car and jobs but that they would find Christ as well. The power of prayer and Faith has held Jay and I together through this process. I have felt his Hand on my shoulder and have felt Him give me strength. I was raised a Christian - I go to church but in that moment - I KNEW God. My Faith will never be the same again. I will never be the same again. They say motherhood will change you. It has changed me. I have always known that I was very blessed and have been thankful for my blessings. But that day, has forever changed me, for the better I hope. And even as Jay and I struggle, as all new parents do, I will always remember how extremely fortunate we are and the sacrafices that were made so we would finally be holding our Little Baby Lacy.
1 comment:
great post, Jenn! Such an emotional roller-coaster ride you've been on... I never would've been able to handle it.
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